I’m at the fabulous point where people are starting to notice that I’m losing weight. Of course everyone knows, I’m that annoying person who posts annoying status updates that say “I’m down another pound! 14 pounds total!” So it would be kind of hard for anyone who is Facebook friends with me to not know that I’m losing weight. I can’t help it, I’m excited! Ecstatic! I’m over the moon about the measly 14 pounds that I’ve lost so far. Damn right I’m going to tell the world of Facebook, and WordPress, because I’m sure my husband is tired of hearing about it. Just kidding, he’s been wonderfully supportive; but I’m sure it gets a bit irritating to hear daily how the scale has moved in my favor.
More exciting than that number slowly creeping down on the scale, is when it actually starts to show. My gut, as I grudgingly call it, has shrunk quite a bit. I can see slowly see my face becoming less pancake shaped, and a little more on the oval side. My sweaters from last winter are a little looser. This summer, before our wedding, I had a breakdown in the Target dressing room, as I walked out with a size 16 pair of pants, and pair of shorts. They were a little loose, but honestly, tragically, they did fit. Last week I walked out of the Target dressing room with a brand new pair of size 12 jeans. Yay! Go me! Well actually, it’s not go me, it’s go Metformin. More on this in a bit.
I post new pictures of my self, and receive tons of comments about how good I’m looking, or how they can really tell in my face that I’ve been losing weight. I see my mom, who hasn’t physically seen me in a month, and she tells me how much my tummy and face have slimmed down. I run into people in the grocery store who I haven’t seen in months, and they tell me how great I look.
Yes, people are starting to notice, and are telling me great job! I say “Thanks! But it’s not really me, I haven’t really done anything…honestly….it’s all this medication that I’m taking…because I’m insulin resistant and it’s helping control….” annnnnnnnd I’ve lost them. Who can blame them? What’s wrong with me that I can’t just smile, say thank you, and get on with my day?
I guess I just really feel like I don’t deserve any credit for the weight coming off. I didn’t do anything. I haven’t worked out. I haven’t even really been watching my carbs that much. Which I’m sure if I did both of these things, people really would be amazed with my results, as would I. Maybe then, I would feel like I deserved the credit, the compliment. So many people bust their ass daily, counting calories, lifting weights, running a crazy number of miles. I was one of these people, I know the dedication it takes, the time away from your loved ones that you have to give up, in order to bust your ass.
My stupid body decided to betray me, so even though I was one of those people, I wasn’t. I wasn’t getting anything out of busting my ass, I was doing it all for nothing. The fact is, my body doesn’t work like their bodies. The fact is, I take a pill three times a day, and I’m almost never hungry. I eat breakfast, daily I eat breakfast. The amount of breakfast I eat though, is about half as much as I use to eat. I force myself to eat something small at lunch, because it’s my hour away from the office, and it’s what you do at lunch, right? At dinner, I make a lovely meal for my family, and most of the time I don’t even dish myself up. I pick at whatever it is that I made, while it’s still in the pan. I’m fairly certain that most nights I don’t even eat a full serving. I’m just not hungry. I know that I have to eat, so I make myself eat, at least a small amount.
I’m happy to be losing weight, no matter how small, or how slowly. Considering it wasn’t exactly my fault, but my messed up metabolism, that I gained the weight in the first place; maybe I should view the compliments I receive as the universe’s karma, a gift to me, for making me miserable for over 5 years. But ultimately, I just need to learn to take a damn compliment for what it is; a person being nice, and telling me something nice, in hopes of making my day better.